my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
