Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
