Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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