im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
