her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
