i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
