note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
