he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
