I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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