Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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