He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
