he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
