I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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