When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
