He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
