I want to make a zoo with you.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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