it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
