dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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