Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
