I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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