I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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