so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
