Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
