Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
