No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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