yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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