he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
