I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
