So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Operation Purity has been aborted
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
