and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
