I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
