if i can run in heels then i can drive
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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