I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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