i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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