I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
