Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
