saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
