Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
