I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
