I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
