Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
