I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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