Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
