Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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