my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just found puke in my bra..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
