One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
