He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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