You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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