You just made me feel so damn special
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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