im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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