I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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