I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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