I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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