Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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