I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
