A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize