mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
