why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
