my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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