ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she told me i tasted like america
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
