3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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