at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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