i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
