thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
