It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
