Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he puts the penis in happiness.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize