we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
