My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
