Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I will be naked everywhere
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
